7 – 9 Weeks Pregnancy Update - Spotting in the First Trimester and Fear of Loss

My Pregnancy Diaries – First Trimester

By 7 weeks, the pregnancy symptoms were definitely becoming more noticeable.

And one symptom in particular was beginning to take over my life.

The tiredness!

Oh my goodness, the tiredness.

I had expected nausea to be my biggest pregnancy challenge, especially being such a highly sensitive person who feels everything going on in my body.

But instead, it was the exhaustion that was becoming all-consuming.

And along with it came bloating, burping, brain fog, mood changes, the blood sugar drop and instant starving mode activated, the incredible thirst that has been intense my whole pregnancy and this very interesting state of simply existing.

Not thinking much.

Not doing much.

Just being.

And strangely enough, despite some of the uncomfortable physical symptoms, I felt deeply harmonious (except for the 24hrs of spotting at week 8, I'll get to that further down).

The Exhaustion Was Taking Over!

The tiredness had gone from being something I noticed to something that pretty much dictated my days.

I needed to nap every single day.

Not because I fancied a little afternoon rest.

But because I genuinely couldn't function without it!

My energy and capacity to do things had become so limited.

Some days I felt like I barely had the capacity for anything at all.

And when I was tired, I could get quite grumpy.

Annoyed.

Frustrated.

Little things that normally wouldn't bother me could suddenly feel like too much.

I simply didn't have the same capacity to deal with things.

And it was interesting to notice how much my emotional tolerance was connected to my energy levels.

When you're this tired, even the smallest things can feel overwhelming.

But rather than pushing myself to be productive or trying to fight the exhaustion, I was allowing myself to be exactly where I was.

If I needed to sleep, I slept.

If I needed to do nothing, I did nothing.

No expectations.

No pressure.

No need to achieve anything.

I was growing a baby.

And that was more than enough.

I was so grateful I could honor my needs and be so flexible with my work in the world!

So Grateful for the Life I've Created

One thing I felt incredibly grateful for during this time was the way I had structured my working life.

For years I've been teaching birth workers through my Business Course for Birth Workers how to create a business that supports their lives rather than consumes them.

How to work in ways that allow for freedom.

Flexibility.

Rest.

And the natural rhythms of being a woman.

And now I was experiencing the benefits of having created that for myself.

Because I honestly couldn't imagine having to work full-time during my first trimester.

Actually, I couldn't imagine working full-time at any stage of pregnancy!

With the level of exhaustion I was experiencing, the thought of having to get up early, commute somewhere, be present and productive for eight hours, and then come home and take care of everything else felt almost impossible.

I was so incredibly grateful that so much of my work was online.

That I had created a business where I could choose when and how much I worked.

And that during weeks when I had very little energy, I could genuinely work just a few hours.

And rest for the remainder of the time.

What a blessing!

And what a beautiful reminder of why I've been so passionate about teaching other birth workers to create this kind of freedom for themselves.

Because our lives aren't meant to revolve entirely around work.

Especially as women, whose bodies move through so many different seasons and cycles.

There are times for creating.

Times for doing.

Times for giving.

And times for resting and receiving.

And pregnancy was certainly teaching me about the latter!

The Bloating Was Getting Ridiculous!

And then there was my digestive system!

The bloating had definitely become worse.

My intestines felt swollen and uncomfortable, and I was burping so much!

Seriously, the burping!

I felt like my entire digestive system had slowed down and expanded.

My belly could feel so full and swollen. I looked like I was heavily pregnant already eeek.

And it wasn't just a little bit of bloating.

It was becoming genuinely uncomfortable.

I knew that progesterone relaxes smooth muscle and slows down digestion during pregnancy, but knowing the physiology didn't make my swollen intestines feel any less uncomfortable!

Where Was All the Morning Sickness?!

Something I found quite interesting was that I had expected to feel much worse.

Being a highly sensitive person, I had assumed that I would probably experience quite intense pregnancy symptoms.

Especially nausea.

I had almost prepared myself for weeks of feeling terribly sick.

In fact, I had bought TWO buckets!

One for downstairs.

And one for upstairs.

Just in case I suddenly needed to throw up!

Haha!

I was prepared!

But the severe morning sickness I had anticipated never really arrived during those weeks.

Yes, I experienced nausea.

But it wasn't nearly as intense as I had imagined it might be.

And interestingly, my mother had told me that she didn't remember feeling sick during her pregnancies either.

So perhaps I was more like her than I had expected.

Meanwhile, the exhaustion was completely taking over.

Apparently, my body had chosen tiredness over vomiting!

Dreamy, Foggy & In a State of Beingness

One of the most fascinating things about this stage of pregnancy was the way my consciousness seemed to have shifted.

I felt dreamy.

Foggy.

Tired.

And incredibly present.

It was almost like the pregnancy hormones had turned down the volume of my thinking mind.

I wasn't spending my days thinking about being pregnant.

I just was pregnant.

I wasn't constantly imagining the future or analysing everything that was happening.

Most of the time, I wasn't really thinking much at all!

I was simply existing in the present moment.

And there was something incredibly beautiful about that.

My mood was mostly neutral.

Not particularly happy.

Not sad.

Just harmonious.

A state of beingness.

And I loved that.

We live in a world where we're constantly encouraged to think, plan, achieve, analyze and do.

And suddenly I found myself in this state where so much of that had simply fallen away.

I didn't feel the need to be anything other than what I was in that moment.

Emotional, Sensitive & Easily Moved

Even though my general mood was mostly neutral and harmonious, I also noticed that I had become much more emotional.

I was easily moved.

Things could touch me more deeply than usual.

And at the same time, I could become annoyed or frustrated much more easily.

Especially when I was exhausted.

It was an interesting combination.

Feeling deeply peaceful and harmonious within myself, while also having very little tolerance for things that demanded too much of me.

I think that's something we don't always talk about when it comes to pregnancy.

You can feel emotionally well and still be grumpy.

You can feel deeply grateful and still be exhausted.

You can feel harmonious and still have moments when everything is just too much.

And all of those things can exist together.

That Quiet Fear of Losing the Baby

There was also something else quietly present during those early weeks.

A quiet, lurking awareness that the pregnancy was still so early and that there was always the possibility of losing my baby.

And interestingly, it was often on the days when I felt better that the fear would appear.

If I wasn't particularly queazy, or if my symptoms seemed to have disappeared for a while, I could suddenly find myself wondering whether I was still pregnant. 

Was everything still okay?

Was my baby still growing? Is it alive?

And even though I knew, as a midwife, that pregnancy symptoms can fluctuate enormously and that their intensity doesn't necessarily tell us how a pregnancy is progressing, there was still that little voice in the background.

I think this is something so many women can relate to.

That strange experience of wanting relief from uncomfortable symptoms, but then feeling reassured when they're there.

And perhaps even worrying when they're not!

I was still waiting for the nausea to get worse.

For more symptoms to arrive.

Almost as though stronger symptoms would somehow make the pregnancy feel more certain.

But ultimately, there was nothing I could do to guarantee the outcome.

I could only be where I was.

Trust.

And allow the pregnancy to unfold.

Spotting at Week 8+0

Literally on the day I turned 8 weeks pregnant I experienced some brown spotting. Not unusual the day before or off my bleed.

I was it on the toilet that morning.

My heart sank.

And I instantly went into protection mode - ok, there is a 50/50 chance this is it.

I was feeling some menstural cramping... but that had been on and off before too as the womb was preparing for pregnancy.

When I tuned in deeper I did feel it as a constant dull period pain in my lower back and tummy... just like when my period is coming on.

I quickly accepted the situation.

This could be it. I wouldn't know until nothing more happened or fresh blood came.

So I went to the store and bulked up on all the snacks I love and came home to snuggle up on the couch with series for the rest of the day and eve.

Nothing more came...

I went to bed still thinking I could wake up to fresh blood.

I woke up in the morning, and nothing...

I didn't fully feel like I was out of the woods but maybe a 70% chance this was juts old blood leaving and being cleansed out by the womb.

And it was... 

The day continued without any more spotting or blood.

And it was my frist test in being in the depth of the unknown.

Of trusting that life knows best.

That if this baby wasn't supposed to life until term, that was the way it was supposed to be.

And this has been my view since...

To trust the great mystery, life and my spirit babies chosen journey.

Allowing Myself to Be Exactly Where I Was

If there was one thing that defined this stage of my pregnancy, it was the invitation to simply be.

To have no expectations of myself.

To not feel guilty about resting.

To not measure my days by how much I had achieved.

To allow myself to be tired.

To be foggy.

To be emotional.

To be grumpy.

To be harmonious.

To be all of it.

Without needing to change anything.

I wasn't trying to make pregnancy fit into my previous life.

I was allowing my life to adapt to my pregnancy.

And growing my baby. ♡

If you're in your first trimester, I'd love to hear how you're experiencing it.

Has nausea been your biggest symptom, or has the exhaustion completely taken over like it did for me?

Did you experience spotting or have fears of loosing the baby?

And have you experienced that strange dreamy, foggy pregnancy state where your thinking mind seems to take a little holiday?

Join the email list at the top of the page and send me an email telling me all about it!

With love,

Anna ♡